With much of the focus in the world of NFL news being centered on Peyton Manning and his impending availability for the Colts week 1 season opener in Houston, I can now confirm to you that Manning will play, but it will look quite different from the Manning we're used to.
"Well, I got the idea while watching "Rocky II" last week," says Manning in an exclusive interview with lolcoltz. "Micky wanted Rocky to change his stance halfway through the fight to confuse Apollo Creed and it just made sense to me, you know? So I went out and started practicing it in the backyard and sure enough, I was no worse with my left arm than Curtis Painter is with any hand, so I was just like 'Hell yeah, lets roll with it' and that's how it came about.
"I started doing it in practice this week, and it was going so well Coach Caldwell had to take a sick day. He was afraid he'd suddenly become dyslexic," Manning confided...
The switch in a blind side has taken the pressure of protection from rookie left tackle Anthony Costanzo and instead put it on newly christened RT Jeff Linkenbach's shoulders. In a telephone interview with lolcoltz Linkenbach confided that the change has not changed the way he approaches his game.
"I really have no idea what's going on when I'm out there. Never have, in fact. I just kinda hang out and push someone and see if it works."
The change in Manning's throwing arm will certainly cause even more sleepless nights for the fellow coaches in the AFC South. I took the liberty of calling Texans Head Coach Gary Kubiak Thursday afternoon and asking him how the possibility of such a thing would affect he and his team for week 1. I got no answer from Kubiak, who simply started sobbing uncontrollably on the other end, hanging up seconds later.
As I asked the same question to Jack Del Rio this afternoon I heard only a single gunshot in response. The call ended abruptly after that. Titans coach Mike Munchak was unavailable for comment, most likely breaking up a wild brawl taking place in Titans practice. It's also possible that he has become a hostage to the beard of Jake Scott, but undoubtedly no one will get close enough to find out, fearing a similar fate for themselves.
This undoubtedly means Manning will be starting in week 1, which means newly signed Kerry Collins won't get the chance. When asked if this upset Collins any he was quick to answer "Absolutely not... Getting paid to do nothing is the American dream. I live the dream and a half: I'll be getting paid to do nothing, and be free to haze Curtis Painter in my free time." (I'm not sure what a "Tennessee Teapot" is but Collins says Painter should be ready for one next time they meet in the showers.)
The newly trained left handed Manning will make his debut in Houston next Sunday, September 11th 2011.
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